Position of women in our gurjar community

[Gurjar Ravinder Tanwar]

Hi,

I see a very hot disscussion going on in this thread.
Well I agree and believe that untill and unless girls of our community are not empowered we are not going to reach anywhere.

Yeah I agree that guys need to come forward and help irredicating dowary system and parda system, but still it wont be done without the help of girls. Because if in any family there is parda system its because older woman who have been practising it since time imemorable wont let new generation to leave it.

So I have an strategy here. Its the duty of sisters to educate our mothers and other older ladies about parda system and stand with the brides of their family.Because what I feel that its very hard for boys to change the mentality of a woman only another woman can do it.
You just take one step and you'll see that man folk would adapt it quickly( I hope so).

Now on dowry I think its only boys who can make a difference by saying no to dowery.There is hardly anything in the hands of girls in this case because our sisters dont go against our parents so its the duty of boys to say no to dowry.

I dont know how many people agree with me but if work collectively and make our sisters more educated than things like parda system will be history forever.But to erradicate the dowry system we need to fight tooth and nail. We need to decipline and train ourself so that when time comes we can say no to dowry(I am talking about boys specially unmarried).

Thanks
With Regards
Gurjar Ravinder Tanwar

[gauravbhati]

alright lets see
if u boys are so much anti dowry
ten lets see how many of u have guts to really do this

i hav added a new thread in current affairs make a entry der if u guys promise to not to accept dowry
needless to say bachelors only r allowed

[abhati]

hi Ravinder,

I consent with you but re the Parda thing, it's not fully in our hands,. just think, the woman in our community is practising this parda system, because there's no one to stop it and on top of that our elders (men & women) think that the parda system is a way to give respect to them, ESPECIALLY to the men.

so, don;t you think it should come from the Man itself. hence, i think you guyz should also take initialtive by talking to your fathers about this and try eliminate this "Good for nothing" Pratha completely!

anju bhati (ab)

[kirpal]

Hi All !!!!!!!!!!
I fully agree with Riya, Simmi, sunita. anju, Rajesh, V all (most of us) agree that Dowry system is not good, I have seen people saying, it's like begging and one should go 2 Haridwar then he will get more, but when there turn comes they forget all that, and demands indirectly, explaining about how much they spent on the boy's education? the offers they r getting from big gharana's etc. top of that they will say, it's ur daughter only, whatever u give it's 4 her comfort only etc. etc. there is very bigh difference in "kathani & karni". And it's been going long time, there is no visible change yet.
Same thing goes 4 girl's education, most of the Gurjars still feel that, it's wastage of money spending on her education, instead better 2 use that money 4 giving dowery, without which very difficult 2 get better groom?
V all talk so many things , but what really v do in practical
hope u all understand what i mean?
Kirpal Chauhan

[nehrala]

hello friends

this is really a good topic. Actually the purdah system, which i personally feel, is loosing base in educated familiies in delhi.
This system is directly related to the level of education. The system is decreasing with a increase in the level of education. however it may still take time for complete eradication.

The status of awareness about education and the level of education in gujjars of delhi is really pathetic. ONly educated famililies are allowing their daughters to study.
Actually we are lagging behind due to fear of criticism. Gujjars normally live in villages and the people of villages most of the time remain idel. Due to jealous and the habit of boasting, always criticise the other people of the village.

We need to have pioneers. I am not exaggerating but i allowed my wife to persue her post graduation education even after marriage. Now my wife is in job, which was taken quickly positively by some like minded families in our village. They too allowed their learned daughter-in-laws for jobs.

So the conditions are gradually improving, however, it may still take years to change the thinking of every gujjars family.

[rahuldedha]

hi friends,
according to me purda system is not bad ( it should not be imposed though)...my mom still practices it only in front of elder ppl of our community...but she never imposes it on my Bhabhi...when i see my mom n other elderly ladies with parda i feel a bit proud ,may be bacause its a part of our culture...

we cannot deny the fact that the evil of dowry is deep rooted in our society...i would like to be frank and share my experience with you ppl...whn i was pursuing bachelors degree... most often someone or the other came with marriage proposals for me ( they offered huge amount)...i hv been refusing to marry coz i m still studying...but those ppl mock over me n say that my would be wont tear my books!!! once my tauji pressurised my dad and i had to run away from home...just to make my parents realise their fault...now no one is forcing me...i am continuinig my edu in Europe...the point i want to make clear is that even the girls parents are willing to give dowry...may be because of their will or may be because of the competition or pressure from the society...no one is to be blamed for the defaults in the society...we all r culprits in one way or other...

i would prefer to marry a girl from my community...it dsnt mean that i am against inter cast marriages but its coz of the fact that our girls are no less than other girls elsewhere and they need due respect...whn somebdy marries outside community it gives the impression that our girls are inferior to the others...my statement could be subjective

though i have written much...i havent written anything yet...

i will pour down my views in detail soon...till then

take care

rahul

[e-mail]
39 3299495418

[abhati]

rahuldedha said:

hi friends,
according to me purda system is not bad ( it should not be imposed though)...my mom still practices it only in front of elder ppl of our community...but she never imposes it on my Bhabhi...when i see my mom n other elderly ladies with parda i feel a bit proud ,may be bacause its a part of our culture...

we cannot deny the fact that the evil of dowry is deep rooted in our society...i would like to be frank and share my experience with you ppl...whn i was pursuing bachelors degree... most often someone or the other came with marriage proposals for me ( they offered huge amount)...i hv been refusing to marry coz i m still studying...but those ppl mock over me n say that my would be wont tear my books!!! once my tauji pressurised my dad and i had to run away from home...just to make my parents realise their fault...now no one is forcing me...i am continuinig my edu in Europe...the point i want to make clear is that even the girls parents are willing to give dowry...may be because of their will or may be because of the competition or pressure from the society...no one is to be blamed for the defaults in the society...we all r culprits in one way or other...

i would prefer to marry a girl from my community...it dsnt mean that i am against inter cast marriages but its coz of the fact that our girls are no less than other girls elsewhere and they need due respect...whn somebdy marries outside community it gives the impression that our girls are inferior to the others...my statement could be subjective

though i have written much...i havent written anything yet...

i will pour down my views in detail soon...till then

take care

rahul

[e-mail]
39 3299495418

Hi Rahul,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
being a gurjar girl, am totally against this "Purda" system. c, this is not d only way left to give respect to ur elders. my mom says "sharam to aankon ki hoti hai" and i fully consent with her, evnthough she practices this system. but that doesn;t mean that we've to glue to this system forever.

and yes, what you said about the marriage thing is very true. even i would prefer to marry a boy from my own community.

take care

ab

[vishaltonger]

Hi Rahul ,

You are right we should be proud of our culture but parda system system is not part of our culture. Infact if i am not wrong this parda prtha came into existence during medieval period only and that to bcs of the attrocities of muslim rulers and to save our mother and sisters from them we resorted to parda.
As it always happens in history bad customs in india are still practice and we accept them thinking that they ar epart of our culture.

Vishal

[vishaltonger]

Hi Rahul ,

You are right we should be proud of our culture but parda system system is not part of our culture. Infact if i am not wrong this parda prtha came into existence during medieval period only and that to bcs of the attrocities of muslim rulers and to save our mother and sisters from them we resorted to parda.
As it always happens in history bad customs in india are still practice and we accept them thinking that they ar epart of our culture.

Vishal

[rahul]

hi anju n vishal,
thanks for your comments and information about the purda system...may be you ppl took it in different way...i 'did' mention that it 'shouldn't be imposed' on anybody...if women like my mom r stiill practicing it till today ( willingly)...i don't think there is anything evil in it...if we say that 'u shouldn't use the purda'...then, according to me it would be imposing our ideas on the people who are still practicing it with their will !!! imposing goes against the right to choose...i think everyone has the right to choose what to do and what not to! waiting to hear frm u ppl soon:-)

[abhati]

rahul said:

hi anju n vishal,
thanks for your comments and information about the purda system...may be you ppl took it in different way...i 'did' mention that it 'shouldn't be imposed' on anybody...if women like my mom r stiill practicing it till today ( willingly)...i don't think there is anything evil in it...if we say that 'u shouldn't use the purda'...then, according to me it would be imposing our ideas on the people who are still practicing it with their will !!! imposing goes against the right to choose...i think everyone has the right to choose what to do and what not to! waiting to hear frm u ppl soon:-)

Hey Rahul,
so sorry to misinterpret your words, your absolutely right!

take care

ab

[Vishal]

[/img]Hi Rahul ,
Its not that i misinterpreted your words,
you are also right that nothing should be imposed without the conscent of anyone.
i just said thats it not part of our culture.

But i appreciate your views and will be happy if you contribute more to the site and community with your innovative ideas.

Vishal

[cvipuls]

good day to all intelligentia out here,
There are theoritical and practical view about any situation.
Theoritically speaking the condition and status of women due to post industrialisation will be more degraded and there role in society will be less demanding and all this is not due to purdah , patriarchial,lack of good education etc but due to economics of development.

BUT the point of debate is not yet clear, which sort of purdah system is troubling girls of our community. le me give u various guesses made by me..

1. so called ghoonghat till chin

2. so called ghoonghat till forehead

3. so called ghoonghat till roof of your tongue

4. so called duppatta revolving around one's neck

i request all the girls and boys member of this site who are participating in the discussion to tick the most probable answer .

It will provide clarity and help us reach an important decision.

Here i am not attacking anybody's emotion by favouring purdah system but i accept a different defination of purdah.

MY view---

i am against the first one.

let everyone throw their views and rest will follow.

VC
SSC
D.U

[kpsgurjar]

This is a traditional thing and it will take time to come out from the 'parada sistam'. It is directly concerned with our education. You must be feeling that there is no parda in 90% families educated and living in Cities. Even in our villages we are experiencing change. When this parda system was started there were sufficient reasons/justification for the same. It is a big truth that the Gurjar Community was always a target for the English/Muslim Rulars, and therefore, it was a necessity at that time.

Yesterday there was a 'Diwali Milan Programme' in Vasundhara (Ghaziabad) attended by about 84 families and no lady was in parda even their 'Sasur, Jyeth etc' were also present.
They presented their cultural programmes in front of them. So, we have to wait and start with ourself. OK thanks

[e-mail]

[sumyanshu]

see the basic thing we need to improve in our community is education ! not only we should discuss here about female education but education and litracy as a whole because these factors with no doubts influence on the way of thinking of every individual ...